Quotes thread

[Lainey]

One for the TV/Movie geeks
Post your favourite quotes from shows and stuff
My current favourite is off The Simpsons:

Good Lord! What is happening in there?
Aurora Borealis?
Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year?! At this time of day?! In this part of the country?! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!
...Yes.
May I see it?
...No

[Caity]

Scrubs:

"Yay, you hurt my feelings."
"That hurt my feelings so much it took my breath away."

[Colezy]

Oh there are so many Scrubs quotes that could go in here!

[Caity]

I know :( I was like 'ZOMG what to pick?'

[MODERNART.illery]

"plus you're the only grown man with his own spongebob squarepants costume."
"It was a gift!.....from me, to me..."

[private_eye]

"You ever watch that show Scrubs? Lois had it on the other night and I was kinda fading in and out, you know. I was watching and wondering... which one is the funny guy?"

[Sabrestorm]

"...but you forgot one thing, rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock and scissors cut paper. Kif we have a conundrum. Bring me a rock, and search them for paper."

"Lower, a little lower, a lot lower, lower, TOO LOW, lower"

The man with no name: Zapp Brannigan

[KillingInTheNameOf]

Fight Club and Ford Fairlane are both gold for quotes.

[Flaming_Ice]

Spaced:
Brian: Do you think I should lose the waistcoat?
Tim: I think you should burn it, cos if you lose it, you might find it again.

Twist: I need you to see me as a whole!
Brian: I do!
Twist: A whole Brian, with a 'w'!
Brian: Aww.

Tim: Yeah, but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like - f***ing Shaft! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Ki_up2BdY)

[MODERNART.illery]

"is it dark..?"
"of course it's dark, it's a suicide note!"

"am i specifically NOT a genius..?......you didn't even have think about that, did you?"

royal tenenbaums.

[mattheal]

ahh Zapp Branigan,

"The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in"

"If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...Checkmate."

[Caity]

"Hugh Jackman is Wolverine ..."

[drifta_21]

"Quick, what's the number for 911?"

- Homer Simpson.

[Deadcat Kaye]

Steve Perry

[Kev]

"Yippe Ki Yay Motherfucker" - John Mclane (Die Hard Series)

Janitor: Ah, hey everyone. I've been looking for a new roleplaying game ever since my Lord Of The Rings-club booted me for using an actual warhammer, so would anyone mind if I pretended to be Chief of Medicine while Kelso is out of town?
Everyone: *Unison approval*
Janitor: Fantastic! Let's make cancer feel foolish!


Janitor: If I wanted to listen to someone yap on about their problems, I’d be at my AA meeting.

[Colezy]

"BOB SAGET"

Not quite from a movie or TV show though..

Amy will get what I mean :p

[Mogle]

I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems strange and scary to me.

Ooh, I feel all funny. I'm in love! No, wait. It's a stroke.No, wait! It is love! I'm in love!"

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."


Grandpa Simpson

[Deadcat Kaye]

"BOB SAGET"

Not quite from a movie or TV show though..

Amy will get what I mean :p

Legend.

PISSIN' OUT THE WINDOW, AND SHITTING OUT THE WINDOW
IS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

[Neo]

I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems strange and scary to me.

Ooh, I feel all funny. I'm in love! No, wait. It's a stroke.No, wait! It is love! I'm in love!"

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."


Grandpa Simpson

Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to 3 - medium brown...

[Lainey]

Simpsons:
Look at these bills! (Stampy the elephant's) This is all coming out of your allowance
You'll have to raise my allowance to a thousand bucks a week
THEN THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO, SMART GUY!

[mel_bound]

Steve Perry

+1

HOW TA SPEAK SAN FRANSISCAN vajoina!

[private_eye]

"Listen to this one then. You open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club."

"You what?"

"You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each, a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques... not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he is not paying in cheques!

[The Dying Start]

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

[Boom King]

If any of you people are the type of people that quote shit endlessly in person I fucking hate all of you.

[Colezy]

I don't. Only because I can never remember the whole quote. Even if I could, I wouldn't do it.

[Flaming_Ice]

If any of you people are the type of people that quote shit endlessly in person I fucking hate all of you.

"Come get some." For those of you playing at home that's Ash from Army of Darkness (aka Evil Dead 3)

[Lainey]

"Listen to this one then. You open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club."

"You what?"

"You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each, a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques... not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he is not paying in cheques!

Lmao. That movie is riddled with fantastic quotes.

Fucking northen monkeys!
...I 'ate these southern fuckin' fairies...

[Kev]

"I Reject your reality, and subsitute my own" - Adam Savage

[Craigels]

"As long as there's sex and drugs, I can do without the rock 'n' roll"

[Ben reed]

"i 'ate it!
i 'ate his face!
i 'ate his legs and i especially 'ate what he did on the rug!"

courtesy of grounds keeper willy

[Lainey]

I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter
No you can't Mr. Simpson, no-one can!

[Big J.G]

"Why do you need a vacation when you don't have a job? Do you need a break from getting up at 11?" - Jerry Seinfeld to George

"DO YOU EVER GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND THANK GOD YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ME AND MY DIMENSIA?" - George after realising that thanks to him Jerry had an oppurtunity to have a threesome with his girlfriend and her room mate (who is a female by the way).


"My Son is not a communist! He may be a liar, an Idiot, a Pig, a Communist, but he is NOT A PORN STAR!" - Grandpa Simpson

[KillingInTheNameOf]

There's been about 3 people who have said that Abe Simpson quote

"They say a single butterfly, beating its wings in China, can start a tornado in America."
<Yes, but how does the butterfly know when to beat its wings?>
"It doesn't. I guess it beats its wings the best it can, and hopes it will all work out. It's a butterfly. It just does what butterflies do."

[Lainey]

Doctor's said I might have brain damage
Dad what's the point of this story?
I like stories :)

[The Dying Start]

"Why am i peeing like we've been up all night having sex?

[Mogle]

You sunk my battle ship - Jasper - Simpsons

[Matt]

I'm going to include lyrics itt as well, because I can.

So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
People love you more, oh nevermind, oh nevermind
In fucking fact, Mrs. Robinson
The world won't care whether you live or die, live or die
In fucking fact, Mrs. Robinson,
They probably hate to see your stupid face, your stupid face
So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson,
You live in an unforgiving place.

[Deadcat Kaye]

This is a quote from the back of a door at Flinders Street Station female toilets...

"JESUS DIED FOR US"

"....well that's his problem"

[Big J.G]

"Fine, you take the monkey's side" - Kramer

[May]

"The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom I'm a big believer in it"

"You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do."

"So that's how it is in their family..."

"Sportoes, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, -
- dweebies, dickheads, they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."

"He'll make me feel guilty.... I'll go I'll go.."

" Pardon my French, but you're an asshole! Asshole!"

"It's not a piece of shit." "It is." "Don't worry I don't even have a piece of shit I have to envy yours"

"You have nothing to worry about I'm a professional" "A professional what?"

"I'm very busy. Why don't you kids go back to the clubhouse?"

"It's understanding that allows people like us to tolerate a person like yourself"

"I'd like to dedicate this to a man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today."

"Speak any English? Dickhead"

"He might have blown a microchip or two"

"You can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work"

"Sooner or later, everybody goes to the zoo"

"Drugs?" " Thank you, no I'm straight." "I meant, are you in here for drugs?" "Why are you here?" "Drugs"

"You wear too much eye make-up. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore"

"In a nutshell, I hate my brother. How's that?" "That's cool. Did you blow him away or something?" "No, not yet"

"What did I do? What did I do?" "You killed the car"

"Don't "hi" me, young lady"

"How did you get to be so sweet?" "Years of practice"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it"

I <3 Ferris :D

[Mogle]

This is a quote from the back of a door at Flinders Street Station female toilets...

"JESUS DIED FOR US"

"....well that's his problem"

Haha thats awesome;)

[mattheal]

Veronica Corningstone: ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland: [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
[spoken]
Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland: It's all right. I'm all right.

[KillingInTheNameOf]

"dad reckons there was only one show better than hey hey its saturday. and thats the best of hey hey its saturday"

[Mogle]

"dad reckons there was only one show better than hey hey its saturday. and thats the best of hey hey its saturday"

Haha Im watching that:p

[Big J.G]

"Hi! I'm doctor stupid, I'm going to peform an operation on Mr Burns...*Cuts his head off" - Ralph

[Lainey]

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

[Big J.G]

"There's no planet called 'Dog Doo 8'! The universe ends after 'Dog Doo 7'. - Phillip J. Fry

"Yeah! I am so Crunchy The Clown!" - Barney Gumble

"Meg, I am going to do something to you that you won't remember until you're 40." - Peter
*Meg runs away screaming
"What? I meant sex!"

[WakeUpToTheManipulation]

God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing. Now knock it off!

Okay this is a CLASSIC!!! long and hard to type!


King Arthur: So be it!
[they fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm]
King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't!
King Arthur: Well, what's that then?
King Arthur: I've had worse.
King Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!
[they fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm]
King Arthur: Victory is mine!
[kneels to pray]
King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy -
[cut off by the Knight kicking him]
Black Knight: Come on, then.
King Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you!
King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I Have!
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
[the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off]
Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
King Arthur: You'll what?
Black Knight: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: ...You're a loony.
[King Arthur has just cut the Black Knight's last leg off]
Black Knight: All right, we'll call it a draw.
King Arthur: [Preparing to leave] Come, Patsy.
[King Arthur and Patsy ride off]
Black Knight: [calling after King Arthur] Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

[Mogle]

I wish I was a nerd, then I'd get good marks - Sam from school

[damo0945]

Monty Python rules...

[Big J.G]

"If you give me two popsical sticks and a rubber band I will find a way to fuck it"

I forgot who said it, but it was funny as at the time.

[private_eye]

"go fuck yourself"
"i'm tired from fucking your wife"
"how is your mother?"
"good she's tired from fucking my father"


"we...have...meat...here in.... zee beelding!"

[Big J.G]

"Excuse me while I tie and elastic band around my balls" - JamesLikeCrazySH

he's on youtube.

[Big J.G]

Kramer: George, come with me to L.A
George: No Kramer, I'm happy where I am.
Kramer: OK, do you have a job?
George: No
Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George: No
Kramer: Do you have any plans for the future?
George: No
Kramer: Do you have any reason to get up in the morning?
George: ...I like to get the daily news....

[Kacky]

"Do you like cake?"

"Yes."

"Do you like my ass?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to eat cake off my ass?"

[Colezy]

Computer games don't affect kids.
I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo Inc. 1989

[Kacky]

That reminds me of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V415khq0sB0). :p

[mattheal]

Computer games don't affect kids.
I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo Inc. 1989

hmm i have that exact quote but by Marcus Brigstocke...still its awesome

[mattheal]

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
- Emo Philips

[Neryssah]

"If you give me two popsical sticks and a rubber band I will find a way to fuck it"

I forgot who said it, but it was funny as at the time.

Hahah that's out of Zach & Miri Make A Porno.

"... I'm like a filfthy McGuiver"

[Lainey]

Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon...
Bernard: Pacman! It's pronounced Pacman!

Black Books :)

[Mogle]

Brian: Your Drunk.
Stewie: Your sexy.

Family Guy.

[The Dying Start]

Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon...
Bernard: Pacman! It's pronounced Pacman!

Black Books :)

Oh yeah! We could go forever on Black Books!

"Okay...which of you bitches wants to dance?"

[private_eye]

Don't you dare use the word party as a verb in this shop!

[The Dying Start]

I ate all your bees.

[private_eye]

Up with this I will not put!

[Big J.G]

"I think the nail in the coffin of your marriage would have been when you FUCKED THE DOG!"