The Chris Cheney "Fact" Thread.

[Kacky]

This is what happens when you get inspired by Chuck Norris jokes...:D :D


When Chris Cheney breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

Chris Cheney cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chris Cheney says.

We once had a bachelor party for Chris Cheney. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but if Chris Cheney says its beef, then it's beef.

Chris Cheney doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Jason wears a Chris Cheney mask on Halloween.

The only time Chris Cheney was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Bullets dodge Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

Chris Cheney doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chris Cheney is.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chris Cheney can touch this.

Chris Cheney can tie his shoes with his feet.

Chris Cheney can drown a fish.

When Chris Cheney enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chris Cheney can build a snowman out of rain.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chris Cheney's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney can slam a revolving door.

Chris Cheney speaks in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound.

Chris Cheney was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

Chris Cheney can judge a book by it's cover.

Chris Cheney doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chris Cheney throws down!

Chris Cheney does not sleep. He waits.

Chris Cheney can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chris Cheney can sing the last digits of pi.

Chris Cheney can eat just one Lays chip.

Chris Cheney never hides, he only seeks.

Chris Cheney divides by zero.

ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chris Cheney could strike at any moment.

Also posted on the Chris Cheney Institute MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/lame_institute)

[kelso]

Chris Cheney once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.


hahahahaha XD

[Erin]

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chris Cheney can touch this.

thats brilliant! :D

[Johnny_Wah]

Awesome!

Ten letters...

[i_heart_you]

Chris Cheney can sing the last digits of pi.

Chris Cheney divides by zero.



hahaha! chris cheney is a mathlete!



...oh boy, too much math class...:D

[Kacky]

Chris Cheney counted to infinity - twice.

Chris Cheney has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chris Cheney is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Crop circles are Chris Cheney's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chris Cheney put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chris dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chris Cheney can unscramble an egg.

Chris Cheney knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

If you have five dollars and Chris Cheney has five dollars, Chris Cheney has more money than you.

When Chris Cheney had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chris Cheney once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

If Chris Cheney is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chris Cheney ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chris Cheney doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chris tells it to.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

Ironically, Chris Cheney's hidden talent is invisibility.

Chris Cheney is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Chris Cheney won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chris Cheney is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chris Cheney does not get frostbite. Chris Cheney bites frost.

[Erin]

these are funny as!

[Kacky]

Hehehe! Of course...that's why I posted them...with little changes.

Instead of Chuck Norris, I used...dun dun dun, you guessed it. CHRIS CHENEY.

[Kacky]

When Chris Cheney crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chris Cheney is on.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chris Cheney is looking for it.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chris Cheney allows to live.

Chris Cheney doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chris Cheney is Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he needs.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chris Cheney jumps out.

On the 7th day, God rested…. Chris Cheney took over.

Chris Cheney is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com.

Chris Cheney can believe it's not butter.

Chris Cheney doesnt listen to music...music listens to Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney is the only human experienced in time travel. He has been known to knock people back into the stone age.

Leap year is every four years because Chris Cheney said so.

The only jokes that Chris Cheney laugh to are Chris Cheney jokes.

Annnnnd, I'm done...for now. :p

[jessebelle]

haha they are all gold!
I couldn't laugh or I would get caught for being on, but I laughed inside :p

[kelso]

Chris Cheney doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he needs.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chris Cheney jumps out.




hahahaha yus!

[Disease]

Chris Cheney doesnt listen to music...music listens to Chris Cheney.

That's the way it should be.. :p

[Amur]

Chris Cheney speaks in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound.
and it's true!:) *put CD into music player*

[mel_bound]

Chuck Norris would kick some serious arse if he saw what was going down in this thread.

:p
But these jokes are damn hilarious and there's no denying it hhahahahaha. :D

[Caiti]

If Chris Cheney falls in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chris Cheney

[Brad]

Chris Cheney invented the colour black. In fact, he invented all colours, except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink.

[atomgal]

ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chris Cheney could strike at any moment.


LOL... so THAT'S what's wrong with me!! :D

Here's another one of my faves from Chuck Norris fame:

Chris Cheney sleeps with a night light, not because Chris Cheney is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chris Cheney.

[Kacky]

Chris Cheney doesn’t search Google. He just stares at the screen until Google pops the website he needs.

Trains stop at a Chris Cheney crossing.

Chris Cheney can fry ants with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chris Cheney came before the chicken or the egg.

Chris Cheney is responsible for the death of Kenny. All of them.

[thelivingvines]

When chris cheney gets up in the morning- he pisses excellence.

When chris cheney cries- his tears are acidic.

edit: as is his sweat.

[Kacky]

It is impossible to see Chris Cheney on a cloudy day - he brings sunshine wherever he goes.

Evian mineral water has gained the nickname 'Chris water' - nothing is more pure or refreshing.

The escalators were invented to help people while escaping against Chris Cheney.

Chris Cheney sneezes with open eyes.

The Moon is not running around the Earth - just round Chris Cheney.

Pencil is more powerful than a sword if it's held by Chris Cheney.

If you spell Chris Cheney in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

[Johnny_Wah]

Chris Cheney sneezes with open eyes.

If you spell Chris Cheney in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Wundabar! Very Wundabar!

[Strange.1039]

haha i love the Chris Cheney doesnt need a miracle one :p

[Evil Chris]

Santa once put Chris Cheney on the naughty list, thats why there's no Santa Clause.

Chris Cheney's tears can cure cancer.. too bad he doesn't cry.

Brokeback Mountain is the pile of screaming men in Chris Cheneys backyard.

[Emily]

Bahahahahahaha...i lurve it...

[The Dying Start]

I don't know what to say...

[bringin' it all back home]

:eek: !!!!!!!!!Wowser!!!!!! :eek:

Who knew Chuck Norris jokes could be so hillarious when changed into Chris ones!
How cool is that!?!
These crack me up!

:confused: annnnnnnd i have no idea what im doin! :confused:

[Julian]

I don't know what to say...
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR A FEW WEEKs

[The Dying Start]

No. What happens is that Julian becomes more of a smart arse.

[Evil Chris]

The secret behind Chris Cheney's guitaring genius is...he dont play the guitar, the guitar plays the song he needs.

[mel_bound]

Are you trying to imply that Chris can't play guitar??

[jessebelle]

Brokeback Mountain is the pile of screaming men in Chris Cheneys backyard.

Haha, that's gotta be one of the funniest ones there!

[mel_bound]

Also posted on the Chris Cheney Institute MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/lame_institute)

[/slow]

I haven't been in the 'tute for a while, I'll make a section for them haha.

[Evil Chris]

Are you trying to imply that Chris can't play guitar??

Nuh, he can play if he wants to. He just decides not too..

[Kacky]

[/slow]

I haven't been in the 'tute for a while, I'll make a section for them haha.

Lol. I'm suprised that you didn't notice that in the first place! Shall I make the font bigger next time?:p

[mel_bound]

Yeah probably! :p

[Evil Chris]

Chris Cheney can watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes

[Strange.1039]

When Chris Cheney falls in water, Chris Cheney doesn't get wet. Water gets Chris Cheney.

For Chris Cheney, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
^^ lol reminds me of "if chris doesnt get his own way he gets all sooky" :p

[Evil Chris]

Your first one was already mentioned. And I dont even get that one..

Every Body Hates Chris is a show every body hates....


I know, lame.

[stray_cat]

When Chris Cheney is similing, he just killed your dad.

[Bec]

Your first one was already mentioned. And I dont even get that one..
It makes perfect sense to me.

[Disease]

Sames. stufff

[The Dying Start]

Same...in Evil Chris posted is the one most questionable, methinks!

[Evil Chris]

Which one? I posted 5.

[_jimmy_]

hahaha all these jokes are funny as!!! i really like this one "The only time Chris Cheney was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake."
LMAO

[Wazzup]

Eath-Quakes are not a natural disaster, they are created from chris' amp.

[Evil Chris]

Christmas does not celebrate christ. It celebrates Chris Cheney.

[kelso]

^haha thats a good one

I just thought of this one two seconds ago...

"Only Chris Cheney knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop"

[Kacky]

Only Chris Cheney knows how many Chris Cheney's it takes to screw in a lightbulb.

[kelso]

somebody please tell me they too had a one second dirty thought from that ^
:D *cheshire cat*

[Johnny_Wah]

Maybe not....Not until I read your post anyway;)

[The Dying Start]

Not me. I wouldn't fit my baby toe in a lightbulb, let alone all of me and another person.